Now that Your Leaving
by L-Brat
Summary: A week after graduation...this is how buffy is feelin


Ok this one is real short and there is no real plot here. I just wanted to show what Buffy might have been feeling int the first week or so after Angel leaves Disclaimer:None of these character's are mine I bored them from Joss whedon(for non-profit) and the lyrics are Now that your leaving by not by choice Sumarry :its short so just read it.  
  
//don't know what to do when the fire's going out I don't know where it ends and I don't know where it starts You tell me I have to wait until tomorrow But I don't know if I can make it through today//  
  
She sat in her room staring at her hands. In the past week she had only comeout to eat and use the bathroom. She just sat in her room all day wondering. Maybe if I had tried harde, or done something better, or just didn't let him leave.  
  
She got up and walked over to her desk. She sat down on the chair staring at the pencil and paper infront of her. Over the past seven days, ever since graduation she had thought of more than a hundred things she could write that would bring him back to her, but when ever it came to actually putting it down on the paper, she just drew a blank.  
  
//You will never know What its like to be here what its like to be me I won't let it show What I'm really feeling now that you are leaving//  
  
She picked up the pencil and began to write: My Dearest Angel I have gone over what I should say over in my head about a million times. I thought of calling you so that I could hear your voice when I said it. I thought of going to where you are and telling you so that I could see the expression on your face. But when it came right down to it, I couldn't do it. When it comes to you my mind blanks out and all I can think of is the joy that you bring me. So I decided to write it all down and send it to you via snail mail.  
  
The more I think about the reasons that you gave me for leaving the more I think of how stupid those reasons are. I know that if we worked at us we could make it work, if we just tried, but I won't ask you to do that, I love you too much.  
  
I'm not trying to guilt you, I want you to do what you think is right, I am just trying to say that you are everything to me. You were there for me whenever I needed you, and for that, I am eternally grateful. But there are things that you need and deserve to know.  
  
First of all I felt betrayed when you left without even saying goodbye. I'll admit that I still do, but I know, though it is still hard to deal with, that you were trying to do what was best for me.  
  
Now here comes the important one, I love you, I want you to never ever forget that. You were my beacon of light. You were everything to me. My always. I will always have hope that someday things will change and you will come back to me. I will always dream that someday we will have a future together. But for now I willl try to move on without you, because it is what you want for me. But no man will ever have my heart the way that you do. I will never love another man the way that I love you. My heart will forever belong to you and only you. I just need you to know that. Always Yours  
  
Buffy  
  
//One year later and the fire's going strong I don't know what I did and I don't know what went wrong You tell me I have to wait until tomorrow But I don't know if I can make it through today//  
  
She stared at the piece of paper reading what she just wrote over and over again until she was positive that it was perfect. When she brought her hand up to her puffy eyes to rub them she felt them sting. She started to think of all the crying that she had done over the past week. She had cried herself to sleep everynight and that made her want to cry more, but she had nothing left in her. No more strength to let the tears roll down her cheeks and into her lips to taste them bittersweet.  
  
//You will never know What its like to be here what its like to be me I won't let it show What I'm really feeling now that you are leaving// She got up from her seat and began to walk around her room. She stopped infront of the shelf that contained photos of all her memories. She didn't look at any of the ones with Angel because they had all be placed faced down. She didn't have the heart to throw them out because that would mean that he was really gone. She crouched down to the bottom shelf and pulled out an envelope and two stamps.  
  
//I don't know what you want from me it's something that I can not see And everything you want from me is something I will never be I don't know what you want from me it's something that I can not see And everything they want from me is something I will never be//  
  
She walked back to her desk and picked up the paper one more time she didn't even read just sat down at her desk and started licking the stamps. Suddenly she stopped, and picked up the letter. She stared at it for what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few minutes. Suddenly she crumpled up the piece of paper rolling it into a ball. She throws at at the trash can where it falls amongst the other hundred attempts she had made that week at contacting Angel. She walked back to her bed and cried her self to sleep.  
  
//You will never know What its like to be here what its like to be me I won't let it show What I'm really feeling now that you are leaving now that you are leaving.// 


End file.
